How does love look like nowadays? Is social media helping or causing more trouble? Did modern technology change the meaning of love? Has it become less or more scary? Or less or more comforting? Has it changed our needs or developed new ones? Is it close or far from human nature?
These questions and much more has been discussed in Lance Bangs’ documentary based on Spike Jonze’s film “Her”, in which Lance Bangs interviews artists like James Murphy from “LCD Soundsystem”, actress Olivia Wilde (who appears in “Her”, too), Nick Littlemore of “Empire Of The Sun”, Marc Maron and many others.
But first the video let’s them talk about the “basics” – the feelings and how love affects your character. It may turn you into a better person. It may do the opposite. Confident people suddenly become shy around the person they fell in love with and don’t say or do anything they would normally do, out of fear of losing him or her. Others change to make relationships either work or to even sabotage them, probably out of fear to get hurt. But unfortunately we can’t hide and run from fear… As US comedian Marc Maron said in this documentary: “Love is the antithesis of fear.” Without fear love wouldn’t mean a thing.
Talking about technology, I am personally torn in regard of all these questions. On one hand communication has become easier (but also sloppier, I think). It has also become more transparent for both, being able to see what and who his/her (potential) partner is doing and what he/her likes. But how does it help, affect me and my relationship to know that my current partner is on “tinder”, an app that 4 months ago I didn’t even know it existed and only now I heard that it’s designed to find sex partners?! (that’s what I’ve been told, i haven’t researched it). Do I really wanna see on Instagram or whatever social media platform my partner liking pictures of girls with big tits?!
So, on the other hand it can also drive you crazy when seeing what this person’s taste is. Depending on the individual’s confidence it could even make you change your opinion about him/her. As a result has disliking and mistrusting become quicker?
Of course, ways to experience/experiment love and sex have already existed (and practiced partly secretly) before internet has come to “life”. Today there are probably many more variations of love that technology makes possible. Whether you like those ways or not, there’s no other way but to accept what is said by, again, Marc Maron: “I think technology obliterated boundaries.”
Nevertheless, regardless of evolution, love always brings up the same questions and topics. Every time. It will never be getting easier by technology. It will always be a matter of how you treat your relationship yourself.
As you might have noticed I’m not a fan of digital communication in love matters. But I liked hearing the different views of artists philosophizing about love and relationships in this short film. See below the video to check it out (about 15 minutes, but it feels like less time).
Having recently been told that I am romantic, as if it were so extraordinary being it, I want to make clear: romantic doesn’t mean naive. And it’s not old-fashioned. I believe it’s even helpful for relationships to work and to get through the evolution of a relationship.
So I close this article, quoting Olivia Wilde’s comment that I think is romantic in its own way, too:
“We fall in love with one version of someone and then we expect them to stay that way. But they never do. So, I suppose we are supposed to learn to really embrace the unknown, embrace the evolution, and then learn to kind of float with it as a living organism.”