Yes, I do love myself. I do like my body and my soul. And I enjoy the freedom of self-expression.
Although in Germany it is hard to express oneself without being criticized or even ignored. Probably even being judged behind one’s back.
This is one of many cultural differences that I notice since being back from my North-/South-American trip.
Americans are not very shy, we know that (mostly through their TV shows). Brazilians aren’t shy either, although a little bit different in their self-expression than the Americans. In either way, they both aren’t afraid to use social media frequently as if their life depended on it (even despite the fact that we are all monitored by governmental and secret agencies). But this is a topic I want to write about later.
Now it’s the selfie-culture outside of Germany (and Europe?) that I want to explain.
When people publish their selfies on any social platform in Brazil and in the USA it’s seldomly judged in a deprecative way (only in very extreme and hilarious cases, maybe). Their selfies are rather appreciated and complimented, they are confirmed in the end. People there even tend to make you feel good about it!
There is one case of many that I’d like to use as an example of German reaction to my new digital mentality. When I post a selfie that doesn’t even show my face obviously, that I personally even think it’s an artful piece, because of its composition and especially the light in the photo (I’m in complete shadow, no face is recognized, no body parts – ok, maybe some of them didn’t see That I’m wearing my bikini and probably thought that I’m naked, but that’s not essential for what I want to say next) – I am being asked whether I “really need” to post this. I have also been asked if I wasn’t afraid whether people would think I’m arrogant. Or if it wouldn’t bother me whether they would get the impression of me thinking that I’m better than them.
No. When posting that picture I didn’t think anything like that, I didn’t think about “haters” (I always prefer thinking about positive minds). In Brazil or in the US almost nobody would be afraid of “haters”. Is it because there probably aren’t that many of them over there? There, probably it’s the German virtue of understatement that would be considered as weird.
While my old article “Modelized me” is considered as so honest, as my friend said comparing it with my now apparently “not so honest” picture, it doesn’t mean that I’m less truthful today. It’s natural that being abroad for one year, totally free and independent, traveling from places to places, meeting many people and learning about their mentality changes you, isn’t it?
I think that I have even become more honest with myself. My self-confidence has grown. I feel stronger. I feel the right of expressing myself. I say “No” more often and tell people more often than before (I tended to say nothing at all) when there’s something about their behaviour towards me that I don’t like or hurts me. Now I feel that this “new me” is considered as wrong or untruthful. But it’s not. Again, if i put myself out there, it’s about something that I want to express.
I like creativity in any kind of art form. I like experimenting with cameras, with beauty, with human traits. Everything in my life is about emotions. It’s about appearance but it’s about depth, too. What you see is what you get? Dig deeper.
I will continue to be like this and maybe even more. I will keep on posting selfies that I like. Maybe, not always, but sometimes you can discover an art perspective in those pictures because of my ambition in good photography (even if I’m not good enough yet).
And no, I don’t care about what people will think. And no, I don’t just say it now and will change my mind in full regret, because I won’t. Because people who know and love me they will understand that it’s not meant like the above mentioned judgemental opinions. In the end those are the only people who do mean something in my life.
I’m (still) a beautiful woman. I’m a lovable woman. I’m a grown woman. I’m a feminist. And I’m free to be feminine. There’s nothing about me that is better than others. We, with all our doubts but also our strength, are acutally all in the same boat.
I wish people in Germany (and Europe?) were friendlier and more welcoming than the restrictive, more likely negative kind of person we often meet here.
Hence, don’t judge people, you never know what kind of battle they are fighting. But most importantly: YOU yourself shouldn’t live your life by the judgement of others either.
Cheers to this kind of emancipation!